Poltergeist (2015, Gil Kenan)
Movie Remake, Much Crappier, Haunted House, etc. 

Acting: 6
Anxiety: 4
Atmosphere: 4
Movie Watched: 10
Appropriate Grossness: 7
Production: 6
Recommended: 4
Scares: 3
Story: 3
Unpredictable: 3

Total: 50

So, there are some things about this movie that I like. I like Sam Rockwell. I mean, did you see Moon? If you didn’t see Moon, go watch it now. Instead of this hunk’a junk. Moon is good. Poltergeist is bad. I also love that the paranormal researcher is Mel from Frasier. That’s life! Anyway, just another crap remake aimed at teenagers, complete with scary dolls that come to life, weird and unnecessary CGI, and the most horrific thing of all…CHILD ACTORS. This movie has none of the subtlety, panache, or genuine scariness of the original, and should be avoided at all costs. This movie breaks the #1 tenant of all horror movies, possibly all movies, possibly everything in life: Whatever else may happen, NEVER be boring. This movie, simply put, is boring. And not scary. 

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